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my hoppies
I like drawing , also I'm so intersted in make up , and I had a training course and hope to be better in the next days , really I like mixing and dealling with colores , it so wonderful thing .
also I'm intersted in gradening and decoration , it is somthing related to colores too.
I like soft music , it makes me feeling like I'm flying ..
finally I like cooking but I'm not so profisonal.
my story
I was born in small village in egypt delta ,in country side , my father was an officer in the army ,my mother was a young lady , just 19 years old , she stay in home for caring aboat her baby , she loved me so much because I was the first baby ,also my father spend a long time in army , and most time she is lonly , so I got her love , also my grandmother was living with my mum and she was the man of our home , she was the controller of all fiancial things .
when I began to feel life I was aboat three years, it was rarly to see my father and the few times he came on , he was so nervous and angry so Iwas so afraid to talk with him .
the first real friend I knew and loved so much was my cousin Hala, that live close to our home , I spent most of my day with Hala,,, on the morning..... I just open my home door and walk just a few steps to find her home , then we spend all the day together,,, .
hala was having two brothers older than her , but I prefer to play with her only and she like to do so .
really my mother told me ((you are a boy ))but I never find any difference between me and Hala except her long hair so I wish to have a long hair like her and it was so diffecult times when the hair dresser cut my hair ,,,, I hate thesetimes so much and one time I resist the hairdresser and the seasor cut a part of my ear and it was bleed .
really I was quiet and cowerd child that I can't told my mum that I want to be a girl like hala , at age of five my mother had two duaghters , she was busy aboat them but she still love me as I'm the only boy ||((as she see me|)) !!!!
at this time my father decided to leave our small village to live in Damscus, I was so sad to leave Hala but in Damscus I discoverd a very huge world in the crowded city.
at the age of seven I was having three sisters , they have a lovly dresses , long hair tied by coloured strips, I try to wear like them but my grandmum was os angery and mum told me you are a man but I don't feel that , I want to be a girl. exacally like my sisters but of course I just told my self that words because it is shame to say that ..
I never stop wearing my sisters dresses but in secret , when I go to a closed room and be alone .
also I do my best get the possble long hair to tie it by coloured strips like all girls .
one day at age of ten ,,,,my mother saw me tie my hair she lough and say ... oh .. you are looking like girls exaclly (( I was so happy , that she told me that ))
at age of threteen I begain to notice that there is a big difference between boys and girls , it is not just long hair and dresses...oh the girls have a large breasts .. then I ask my self why I'm not .... and it was a big question to answer ... at first I was thinking that by time I will have large breasts ,but later on I knew that women only have them .
I was so lucky that in age of thirteen I fell my nipple is painful and my breasts became large in size but not the same size of females .
I was satisfey to some degree but I begain to face a lot of problems with my classmates , they told me ,,you must not having a breastes , you are like girls and begain to bother me, so I begain to hide them by wearing large size clothes.
I was so happy in front of mirror in my closed room and so afraid from male friends and my classmates.
at age of fivteen I knew that there is another differences between male and femals related to gental organs and also I knew aboat gender change surgery,,,, and it was very big hope to me ... but I can't do it now ....may I can do it when I finish my eduction and have my private life,,,,....
at age of eighteen I was finished my secondary school and I wish to to join medicine facuilty but I joined science facuilty because of my degrees.
in my facuilty I insest to study biology , also I was happy to get females friends , as my secondary school was for males only .
at age of 21, we have endocrinology course by a profeser of medicine faculity called Safaa ,
in our section when our profesor talk aboat female horomons and it is effect on female body , one of the girls lough and say what aboat the boys or men that having large breastes....she means me and look at me when she talk and also the rest of girls ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I was impersed but happy too and at this moment I wish to told them that I'm a girl .... but oh ..of course I can't .....
in my facuilty most of my friends were females , I find my self with them and I loved thier company even my coluges think I'm dongwan ... but they don't knew the truth ,,,,,, and I can't tell them....
after graduation I worked in medical companies. but I faced a lot of problems because of my female body and always finished by resgintion and I leave the company .
so it was so difficult to collect money for my surgery.
in my home I begain to have a private room and begain to buy all female staff like clothes , undrewears make up ,jewlares adn even shoes ,,, so I lived as a female in my home with my sisters, they give me a lot of advices in my wear and help me to do my make up , it was the most wonderful days in my life ,,, I begain the real female life actually...
when my sisters married , they changed, try to ignore my case or even talk aboat my femininty also my sister's huspands begain to talk aboat my look ,really I won't to cause any problems to my sisters because I love them and I knew they love me.
since five years ago ,, I did a seman analysis and I was discoverd that I don't have any sperm at all ,,,, after 2 years I did a biopsy from the testicle and it was azoospermia ,,,, a syndrome call sertoli cell only ,,,, and this mean I can't have baby by any way ,,,,, it is impossable ,,,,,,,, and it means also that I may be klifinter syndrome ,,, it means xxy karyotype and this give me a big hope .....so I think seriouslly aboat my reassiment surgery and begain actual steps .....
since two years I begain my psychological tests by a governamental psychological center to get an offical tests for my case , after 8 monthes of psychological trials , the doctor diagnosed my case as trans_gender and give me a letter for endocrinlogest to follow up hormonal treatment under his supervision , after six months he told me that we may remove testicles ,,, this will help me improving my femininty and decrease side effects of antiandrogens adn high doses of estrogen .
then he give me a letter to a surgent and hardlly I convay him to do my orchiectomy .
now and after one year of my orchiectomy , I feel better as my femininty improved and psychologically I 'm so happy and I can face any body by my femininty . and I can find alot of friends who can support me and like my new apperance ,,,,, but I face also another people who deny me and try to stop me ,,,,,,,, but it is my life ,,,, not their life .......
nowadays I prepare for my gender reassigment surgery ((GRS))and I hope to do it soon to begain my new life .......
I wish that happen sooooon......
thank you for visiting my website
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